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I Can't Sleep.Jealousy overtakes me
To the point where I can’t breathe
But I don’t want to breathe
I’m filled with hate
And I don’t want to be
But I am
And it helps me breathe.
My love is the fuel
To this fire
And for the sake of love
Get me to see the truth
I know the truth
But I can’t think
Emotions never cared about logic
I scream to myself
It has to be me
No one else can help me
I’m stuck in denial
Like a paradox
Now I think I’m okay
But I’m not.
Why can’t I see what you mean?
Why can’t I hear your words?
Why can’t I believe?
Open my eyes…
Make me breathe
In your words
And forget my own
I say to myself.
Foolish Heart.I'm a fragile thing.
I'm far more delicate than your mother's finest vase filled with artificial flowers and love to the brim.
I can shatter with the tiniest mistreatment.
I try to hide away in the darkest labyrinths; it's to keep myself safe.
I fear being broken once again.
I've been down that jagged path, I don't want to do it again.
But then a light finds my safe place; Awe replaces fear.
The light isn't so bad, it's soothing even.
For months we do this tango of love and grace.
I thought I could finally be safe again in the arms of a total stranger, who transformed into my lover.
Some things I didn't understand about you, but I let them go.
Your light was dangerous, it blinds from the truth.
I found that out far too late.
I'd fallen and shattered, and awaited for you to pick up the pieces.
Finally I realized that you never would.
You're empty inside; never to be satisfied.
Not even the deepest love could fill the holes in your heart.
I was a fool to fall and now I'm living with the
InsanityI'm not afraid of insanity
I welcome it as my good friend
Every night were fighting for our lives
Every night I survive
Sorrow I amplified
Lived to make you laugh
Now I make you cry
Six feet underground
I lay still without a sound
Only the silent company
Lost MemoriesLost Memories:
What happens to those memories lost long ago?
Do they burst into flames or turn into snow?
Do they manifest into memories for others untold,
Or do they come about as flowers with petals that unfold.
What happens to all of those memories that have been forgotten?
Did they slip into a child's dream,
Or a best friend's nightmare?
Have they been hibernating like bears,
Or falling asleep?
Or are they still sitting in the back of our minds waiting to get back on their feet...
Fear Stalks My HeartTheres a growing fear in my heart,
Like spinning spider spindrills on the hearth,
Never ending, never showing signs of stopping,
Am I gone?....
Am I dirt?
Or am I lost?
Take me in the pit of rage,
Drag me through the dirt today,
I was lost,
But never found,
Cut thy throat, and let me bleed,
Hatred flows, and sorrow seethes,
I am in a world unknown and unkind,
When will I succeed to find the world that lets me breathe,
The air was putrid,
Full of shit I must not need,
The evil people,
Things that they told me,
So I hope,
And I stand, though all alone,
And I clench my fist,
Bloody it may be,
Raise it high,
Let rage fly,
Just be me...
Suicidal Intentions of a Lone WolfEveryday I sew my heart shut,
Everyday I brew the blackened blood,
Everyday I'm left alone,
Is another damned day where I kill my soul,
Just another damned day in this lonely world...
I left and no one turned their heads,
I left and no one shed,
No not one tear not one fear that I'd never return,
Sitting in my chair, as I wish the world would burn,
Why didn't anyone wish to see?
Wish to see the end of me,
The end of me is just beginning as I drift,
Drift, drift drifting down the meadow of misery,
It's filled with tears and scars and hatred,
It's filled with molten tar that fills my veins as I take it out on all,
Take it out on all within my gaze!
Just another god damned lonely day,
It's just another day with myself,
It's just another lonely day by myself,
I hate myself...
SplitDon't call me pretty.
I am neither that nor anything;
nor will I ever be,
not until these empty arms
grasp the barren
tomb and rip it asunder;
plundering my rib cage
in search of that stuttering,
Don't call me beautiful.
My lips are not plump,
my body not slender or comely,
my hair is not coiffed,
and nothing will come of it
till I wrap slow fingers
around ethereal space;
hoping and praying
to find something lovable
Don't call me smart.
I am stupid;
an idiot with a brain,
and I am moronic in
more ways than one.
I fall down and get run
over by the squealing tires
Over and over.
Don't love me...
I am the breath of
you didn't remember yesterday,
and the glance you
will forget today, and
when I pass the world in
a startled puff;
I will die off.
Crimson HeartI will be strong
I don't know how long
your heart an empty pit
I would know I tried to take it
but alas there was no heart
and it is time for us to part
If love is a war then so be it
the fire in my eyes now violent
I pierce you with the shattered remains harshly
killing you only slowly but only partially
I will let you suffer like I
but I know today is the day you die
yet kill you I must
our arguments full of obsession and lust
well I'm done and your on your own
I will leave you too die all alone
goodbye and goodnight
never shall I see you again in my sight
For you won't break this
Beat Me Til I See HellRepeating, repeating, of a carnival beating,
There is no remorse, only laughter and cheating,
I've always loved all the people I've hated,
And always watching your heart become so berated,
Your filthy gods will spit in your throat,
Beg for forgiveness, so forgive you I won't,
Strangling, dangling,and asking for mercy,
Just beat me, just beat me, so that I may feel,
Reality is wrong, so show me what is for real,
Just beat me, and reap me,
Until I see hell..
Theres a, pretty little flower with your name on it,
In bloom and it's full of shit,
Forcefield is blocking,
And no one will stop me,
Before I push them all away...
Someone stop me,
Just drop me,
Theres a little, little, crack inside the window,
And it's my soul caught in a frame,
Something made me feel so black, this heart feels so gray,
Please just beat me, someone keep me,
Someone hate me, someone take me,
Just beat me,
Until I see hell...
You won't leave me alone,
Unless I leave you first, but I can't turn my back while
Holding Back TearsWho knew that just sitting in a room and trying to think over things to make yourself feel better can be so god damned difficult?
All I wanted was a few moments to myself because I heard that when you think you eventually feel better--
Sorry, that statement is wrong.
I sink into bed, tossing and turning;
I feel as if I got a noose around my neck
That's getting tighter as time is passing.
Not to cry;
I tell myself lie after lie
That everything'll be better
If I don't let any emotions fly.
A thousand thoughts go by
And I let out a shaky sigh;
A tear begin rolling down my cheek;
I curse myself for being so weak
But now that stopper I'd put on my bottle's starting to give--
Any minute now I'll break down and succumb to those tears
That I'd held back for all those years
Of reminiscing over my idiotic failures and fears;
I really need to switch gears
Before I expose my weakest form to those peers--
Oops! I let out a choked sob but then scold myself
Screamed her pain.I'm tired and I'm a basket case of pity.
Don't look at me.
Don't talk at me.
You can't see me.
I want to close my eyes and invade in my inner city.
Don't dare wake me.
Please hold onto me…
No… you can't see me.
Yes you do see me…
I'm so blind that I'm chaotic.
Wake me! Embrace me! Please!
Can you really see me?
I do want to go to bed.
I'm so weary…
Hold me please…
You can't see me…
Don't mock me…
Please help me…
I won't be able to speak of logic.
I am emotional.
I can't feel me.
I can't hear me.
Look at me…
Don't fret, and just hold me.
Please… even though… we can't see me.
How It Began"God, your two o'clock is here."
"I have a two o'clock?"
"He's been here since 7:45. I figured it's only polite to... sir."
God sighed. "Fine, send him in."
While He waited God cleared His desk of papers and blueprints; no need for outsiders to see His plans. Soon enough the door to His office opened and God stood, smiled, held out a hand towards one of the two visitor's chairs.
"God! Great stuff you're doing in sector 2-7-0! Great stuff!"
The man's hands were clammy, his handshake limp. Rumpled suit, porkpie hat, briefcase... oh Jes-- oh dear, a salesman. God's smile slipped a little but He soldiered on gamely. With luck He could shoo the poor guy away in a few minutes.
"So, what can I do for you?"
The man sat, briefcase across his knees. "Sector 2-7-0! Everyone's talking about it! What do you call it? Man and merman?"
"Man and woman, actually. And thanks. But we're pretty busy around here, and..."
"Oh! Right! No time for the wicked, eh?" The salesman winked and popped his briefcase,
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More